Pregnant Woman Doesn’t Want to Take 3-Hour Drive to Visit Mother-in-Law

A woman says she doesn’t want to drive three hours to visit her “difficult” mother-in-law while she’s seven months pregnant — but a number of people on the Internet think she’s being inflexible.

She detailed her story in the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where women can go to get advice from other women about interpersonal issues. In her post, the woman said that her husband recently suggested that they drive three hours with their 4-year-old to visit his parents for a two-night stay.

The woman — who said she’ll be “around seven months pregnant” with her second child during the proposed visit  — explained that they usually visit her in-laws once a year at Christmas, but they will be skipping the trip this year, “as by then we’ll have a very fresh newborn.” Because of this, her husband thought it would be a nice idea to take a quick trip earlier in the year.

The problem? The original poster (OP) said she doesn’t feel like going out of her way to see her mother-in-law.

“I don’t have a dangerous relationship with [her] — nothing abusive,” the OP explained before adding, “But she can be very difficult and makes toxic comments.”

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She went on to say that her mother-in-law has been “pushy and critical” in the past, and made insensitive comments back when the OP was trying to conceive. She also said that her mother-in-law had a “tantrum” on several occasions when she disagreed with the OP over certain parenting decisions.

“My husband definitely wants to go with our 4-year-old (as opposed to just him alone), [but] our child wouldn’t be happy spending two nights away from me. It would be stressful for my child, and in turn for me,” she said.

“[My husband] says it’s only two nights and we rarely go — but they already visit us once a month for the day,” she continued before asking, “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to say no to this trip at seven months pregnant, or should I just grit my teeth and go along with it?”

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The majority of commenters said that they thought the OP was being inflexible, especially because she seemingly won’t allow her husband to take their 4-year-old on his own.

“I’d definitely let my husband go with our child,” one person said. “The child will be fine for a couple of nights and […] it’ll be good practice for when the baby is here and your husband will need to do more of the care for your eldest child.”

Another person added, “I’m a big fan of not visiting family and totally understand your reasons, but I think I would either suck it up or I would send your husband and kid. Kids always cope better than we think, and you could have a few days to just chill and nap and have some freedom before the baby comes.”

Someone else said they thought the OP should simply tolerate the relatively short trip, as she likely won’t need to visit again for over a year.

“I think the best option is to just get on with it and go. You can feign tiredness, etc. and take to your bed while there. Then that’s done [and] you can come home and focus on last couple months of your pregnancy,” they said.