Woman in Wheelchair Can’t Attend Book Club Meeting. Friends Expect Her to Pay for Snacks

A woman seeks support via Reddit following a disagreement with her longtime book club.

The 31-year-old explains in her post that she has been part of the same circle of eight women since 2019, and while the group has usually thrived, her circumstances have changed dramatically in recent years.

“I use a wheelchair after an accident two years ago,” she writes, noting that the group traditionally rotates hosting duties among its members. One member in particular, referred to as K, often held gatherings at her own place. “K (34F) has a nice patio and used to host most often, and everyone’s always liked going to hers.”

The issue arises because K’s home is no longer accessible to her. “The problem: K’s place is up a flight of 14 narrow stairs with no railing on one side,” she shares.

With no alternate entrance and no way to install a ramp since K rents the space, it has become impossible for her to join in person at that location. Since her accident, the group has adjusted by meeting in coffee shops or library rooms when it’s K’s turn.

That arrangement seemed to work until now. “This month, K said she ‘misses hosting at home’ and dropped her address in the group chat with, ‘We’ll make a Zoom link for OP,’ ” she explains. The poster says she responded right away, trying to keep the gathering accessible to everyone.

“I’m happy to meet, but I’d rather we choose a space I can actually get into,” she recalls. Offering several solutions, she suggests hosting herself, reserving a free community room, or even splitting the cost for a café booking. Despite the options, K insists it is her turn, and she wants her home back in the mix.

“K said she’s tired of making exceptions and that it’s her turn, her house,” the woman writes. Things only get more uncomfortable when K proposes an alternative. “She suggested someone could ‘carry me up’ which, apart from being unsafe, is insulting and not something I’ll do.”

The tension quickly splits the group. “Two people backed me straight away. Two said nothing. One person said I’m ‘dictating the group’ and that Zoom is good enough.” K doubles down, saying the poster can join virtually or skip altogether.

But the request doesn’t end there. “K then said I can join online or skip, but she still expects the usual $15 contribution for wine and snacks since that’s what we always do,” the woman shares. That demand leaves her stunned, as it means paying for an event she physically cannot be part of.

“I said I’m not paying for a meeting I physically can’t attend, and I’m not Zooming into something that’s meant to be social when there’s an easy alternative,” she recalls. Still, she emphasizes that she is not trying to avoid her turn. “I also said I’ll happily host next month to keep the rotation fair.”

Even so, the conflict lingers. “Now I’m getting side messages saying I’m being dramatic and that we’ve always gone to K’s,” she admits. While she does not want to destroy the friendships she has built over the years, she also feels strongly that she is being excluded unfairly.

“I don’t want to blow up a friend group over one night, but it feels ridiculous to ask me to pay for a party I can’t get into,” she writes. Seeking perspective, she poses the ultimate question: “AITA for pushing for an accessible venue again and refusing to pay for that meeting? How would you handle it without turning it into a bigger fight?”

One commenter takes a broader view, acknowledging both sides. “I understand your situation, BUT you should understand K as well. You are not alone in the group, and other people’s opinions and needs also need to be respected.” The commenter argues that K’s desire to host in her own space, with all the comforts of home, is not unreasonable.

“She would love to host at her place. Not in a community room, not in the cafe. She would like to be a host in her space, make it cozy, prepare snacks, light candles etc. For once in 2 years? It’s not unreasonable to ask,” the commenter adds.

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But another person quickly draws the line when it comes to money. “I agree with you apart from the part where ‘K then said I can join online or skip, but she still expects the usual $15 contribution for wine and snacks since that’s what we always do.’ Expecting her to pay is completely unreasonable here.”

The original poster continues to weigh her options, torn between maintaining peace and standing her ground.