Woman Debates Asking Best Friend to Move Out Over Tense Living Situation

A woman turns to the Reddit community for support following a painful dilemma about whether to ask her best friend to move out of their shared apartment.

The 20-year-old explains in her post that she has been living with her longtime friend, whom she calls Ella, for the past three months alongside her sibling and her partner.

“I want to preface by saying that Ella and I have been best friends for years and have always talked about moving in together since the early stages of high school,” she writes. But just a few months into their new living arrangement, she finds herself frustrated and heartbroken by how things are playing out.

While Ella always pays her share of rent and utilities on time, the poster says the real problem lies in her day-to-day behavior. “She rarely picks up after herself, and we have had talks about this but she never seems to listen,” she admits.

According to the post, Ella will make a small effort to improve after a conversation, but it never lasts long. “She does for a few days, but then reverts back to her habits,” the woman explains, adding that old food has even been left in the fridge untouched since move-in day.

The other issue is Ella’s absence from the home. “Ella will be home for at most 3 days out of the week, but then will stay at her boyfriend’s house the rest of the week,” her roommate shares. She recalls one instance where Ella didn’t come home for over a week, leaving her responsibilities behind.

Not only does Ella’s lack of communication worry her friends, but it has also caused conflict regarding household responsibilities. “She had promised us that she would help clean, but didn’t come home until 2 days before the inspection,” the poster says of a particularly stressful moment where her mess could’ve had repercussions for the rest of the household.

Even when Ella is physically present, her roommate describes the atmosphere shifting in an overwhelming way. “Ella has this sort of chaotic energy with her and it seems like every time she comes home, we just feel overwhelmed and have to distance ourselves for a little before coming back,” she explains.

Instead of reconnecting, conversations with Ella have become draining and repetitive. “It feels like all she talks about is how annoying other people are or the annoying stuff her boyfriend is doing and we’re honestly just getting sick of the same thing over and over again,” she admits.

“The reason we’re thinking of asking her to move out, is simply because in our opinion, she’s wasting her money,” OP confesses.

The strain has made her wonder if the friendship she once cherished is fading. “For me, the worst thing is that I feel like we’re not even best friends anymore,” the poster reveals. She explains that Ella now spends more time with her boyfriend and his friends than with her.

It leaves her questioning the balance in their relationship. “She is always talking about her boyfriend’s friends, always hanging out with them, never wanting to spend time with me and to be quite honest, I feel sort of used,” she confesses.

The young woman insists her concern comes from a place of love, not resentment. “I want the best for her, but unfortunately, I don’t think our relationship will get any better if she continues to stay here,” she writes.

Still, she struggles with the guilt of what asking Ella to move out might mean. “I also don’t know how to tell her,” she admits, turning to Reddit to ask the community for advice.

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Readers were quick to weigh in, pointing out that while Ella’s messiness is unfair to the household, her personal choices aren’t necessarily her roommate’s responsibility. One commenter writes, “You’re her friend, not her mom. She doesn’t have to answer to you about where she is, when she is coming home, etc.”

That perspective hit hard, with the commenter adding that Ella’s financial decisions are ultimately her own. “If she’s paying her rent, and ‘wasting it’ what’s it to you?” they ask, while still agreeing she should keep shared spaces clean.

Another Redditor echoed a similar sentiment, reminding the poster to see the bright side of Ella being absent so often. “As you said, she is wasting her money. That makes it none of your business. You should be glad she’s never there,” they replied.

Ultimately, one roommate is left asking whether ending this living arrangement might be the only way to save their friendship.