Woman Says Boss Told her to ‘Banter’ Less with Her Coworkers

A woman is claiming that she is “really upset” after her boss chastised her for joining in with “office banter” — and she’s wondering if she’s overreacting.

The woman detailed her story on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where people can go to seek input and advice about interpersonal issues. 

In her post, the woman said that she recently had a review with her manager, who told her that she should not be “joining in with office banter” as much as she does, and that she especially shouldn’t be doing so with employees who are technically her subordinates. 

“I am naturally friendly and do have conversations with colleagues,” she admitted, adding, “I feel that my colleagues respect me and find me approachable because of that.”

The original poster (OP) went on to say that the manager then went on to criticize her “bubbiness” and told her that it was “restricting” her professionally. 

“It’s just my personality, though!” the OP said.

“What he said hit me like a brick, to be honest, and I’ve been really upset over the weekend at what basically feels like an attack on my personality,” she continued, while also noting that she works “very hard” and “[hits] deadlines and targets without any problems.”

“Is he right, though?” she asked at the end of her post.

A number of Mumsnet users told the OP that she should continue being herself — as long as she also remains professional.

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“OP, as long as you are not saying anything unprofessional or crude, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I would keep an eye on workplace toxicity, though, if I were you. Don’t stop being yourself,” one person said.

“It’s never a healthy thing to repress your personality, so continue to be who you actually are,” agreed someone else.

However, the same person also conceded that getting too friendly with the people you manage can potentially backfire, noting that some employees might take it “as a signal that it’s okay to slack off a bit.”

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Another commenter suggested that the OP seek some more clarification from her supervisor.

“A certain level of banter is healthy. I’d ask for a further chat with [your] manager to drill down what they really mean,” they said.