Tonya Lewis Lee Reveals the Key to Her 32-Year Marriage to Spike Lee (Exclusive)

Tonya Lewis Lee credits her lasting relationship with award-winning director Spike Lee to a healthy balance of time spent together and apart.

While attending Fashion 4 Development’s First Ladies Luncheon at The Pierre on Tuesday, Sept. 23, the 59-year-old attorney tells PEOPLE about the secret to her 32-year marriage to Spike, 68.

The New York natives met in 1992 during an event hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus in Washington, D.C., and they wed in New York City just over a year later. They share two adult children — Satchel, 30, and Jackson, 28.

“There are no specific rules,” Tonya says of their enduring marriage. “We each do our own thing and then come together. We’re not up underneath each other a whole lot.”

She adds that when they do spend quality time together, “it’s a lot of fun.”

When they’re together, the two are often seen seeming to have the time of their lives at entertainment industry parties or sporting events, such as sitting front row at New York Knicks games or attending major tennis tournaments like the French Open and US Open. Spike, famously a passionate sports fan, isn’t afraid of going solo to root for his favorites.

For Tonya, that same fire lies in social justice — “for goodness in the world and for humanity,” she explains. Both she and Spike share a deep commitment to activist causes and remain politically active, being named ambassadors of the West African country Benin in July.

“I know that’s not quite as sexy as him rooting for the Liberty or the Knicks, but we share that passion for sure,” she says.

On the invitation of a friend, Tonya attended the First Ladies Luncheon, hosted by Fashion 4 Development, an organization that aims to use fashion to promote social and economic change globally.

“I love the idea of fashion being able to be a conduit for conversation, for humanity in general,” says the women and infant health advocate.

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In 2024, Spike reflected on the Kelly Corrigan Wonders podcast about how “time stopped” when he first encountered Tonya at an event hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus. On the way out, he made a U-turn to ask for her number and proceeded to invite her to Madonna’s party for her book Sex.

Speaking to Essence in 2020, Tonya recalled that Spike gave her “the third degree,” asking questions like, “Are you an actress? A model? A singer? Who are you here with? What do you do? Do you have a boyfriend?”