Woman Finds Out Fiancé Gave Majority of Their Emergency Fund to His Sister

A woman is second-guessing creating a joint account with her fiancé after he took out most of the money from their emergency fund.

On Reddit, the 24-year-old shares that she and her 28-year-old fiancé have lived together for almost two years and have been engaged for seven months. They’ve saved up around $6,000 in an emergency fund for things like “car repairs, medical emergencies, or if one of us lost our job.” 

However, last week, her fiancé’s sister called him and he became noticeably upset. In the morning, she noticed $5,000 was missing from their shared account. 

“He transferred it to her without saying anything to me first, and then told me over coffee, all casual like, ‘I knew you’d understand,'” the woman writes.

The poster “freaked out” knowing they had significant expenses coming up, such as new brakes for their car, insurance and a rent increase. However, he said she was being “unsupportive,” and “that in marriage, you’re supposed to ‘share everything.’ ” 

She responded by noting that “sharing doesn’t mean making a huge decision” without consulting her first. So, she set up a few new ground rules.

“I asked for: 1) us both to agree on any transfers or purchases over £200 from now on, 2) a written repayment plan with his sister, 3) us each having separate day-to-day accounts plus a joint one for bills, and 4) a postnup before we set a wedding date,” she writes.

“He reckons that’s out of order and I’m ‘punishing him for helping,’ and he won’t ask his sister to pay it back because she’s ‘going through it,'” she continues. “His mum even got involved and said I was being dramatic and that this is just what family does for each other.”

Since then, the poster has halted her wedding planning and moved her wages into her personal account. 

“Am I overreacting? Is asking for a postnuptial agreement (postnup) normal after something like this? How would you lot handle family loans in a marriage? Would you move forward with the wedding or hold off?” she asks. “Genuinely after some honest feedback, even if it’s not what I want to hear.”

Commenters were quick to point out that the woman should reconsider her finances and being with her fiancé in general.

“A prenup (since you’re not yet married) is really only useful if you have a number of assets before marriage that you want to keep separated from marital assets. You don’t sound like you need that,” one person wrote. “What you do need is a partner who doesn’t make large financial decisions without consulting you first.

“This is about more than money. Why does he think his needs and his family’s needs come before your needs as a couple. You’re smart to separate your money,” they continued. “Frankly, I don’t think people who aren’t married should share accounts anyway. You are smart to also postpone the wedding and take a close look at the dynamics of your relationship. Especially concerning is him having his mother stick her nose in your personal finances.”

Another person added, “You need to think very carefully about this. What’s concerning is that your fiancé thinks taking a huge chunk of money out of your shared account and giving it to his sister without consulting you is no big deal. It is the reddest of red flags.”