Man Upset That Girlfriend Keeps Sleeping Through Their Plans

A man says his girlfriend has a pattern of sleeping through their scheduled plans — and he’s asking others for advice on how to “deal” with the problem.

The 34-year-old detailed his story on the popular Reddit forum “Am I the A——?”, where people can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In his post, he explained that he and his 28-year-old girlfriend are currently in a long-distance relationship, and that they “like to set aside time to watch movies and TV together online.”

However, the original poster (OP) said that “on a few occasions,” his girlfriend has fallen asleep during their scheduled connection time. 

“This happened again yesterday, and this morning, she just texted me about her morning without even acknowledging that she left me hanging,” he continued, adding that she eventually said that she figured they would “talk about it later.”

The OP said that his girlfriend still hasn’t apologized for the incident, and he suspects she’ll be on the “defensive” if he brings it up again. He also said that the last time he brought the issue up, she told him that his reaction made her feel as though “she needs to be at my beck and call at all hours of the day.”

The OP went on to clarify that he’s not bothered by the fact that she falls asleep — he’s bothered by the lack of acknowledgment.

“I’m not at all upset about her falling asleep; things happen. I’m upset that there wasn’t even a slight attempt to show acknowledgement that I waited all night for a phone call we had planned in advance,” he explained.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

“So I am now here to ask … AITAH [am I the a——]?” he ended his post, while asking, “And how do we deal with this problem communication-wise?”

A number of commenters assured the man that his feelings were valid.

“NTA [not the a——],” one person said. “Long distance is hard, and communication is even more essential in long-distance [relationships] than it is [in real life] relationships. The fact that she isn’t at least texting you before she lies down to say, ‘I’m feeling tired tonight, can we postpone plans?’ is disrespectful, and the fact that she isn’t apologizing [is] even more so.”

Someone else stressed the importance of checking in with the girlfriend before making any assumptions.

“I suggest you talk to her and see her side first,” they said. “What does she do? Is she a student? Does she have a demanding job? Does her day start early? Maybe she was exhausted and couldn’t help [falling] asleep. Maybe you two need to adjust your dates. You may need to be a bit more flexible. [Long-distance relationships] are already difficult. Don’t make it worse.”

Another person also emphasized the importance of solid communication and setting realistic expectations.

They said, “Communication is everything in a relationship […]. Seems like this movie/TV time may be more important to you than her. Try to avoid setting yourself up to get let down while waiting for an apology that she doesn’t even realize you expect.”

The same person added, “I am married to a man who gets sleepy 15-30 minutes into a movie. Every single time. He will say he tried to stay awake but gets sleepy. He gets up for work at 4 a.m. so I expect this.”