Mom Asks If She’s Being ‘Selfish’ for Not Wanting In-Laws at Son’s School

A mom is wondering if she is being “selfish” for being conflicted on whether to tell her in-laws about her son’s Grandparents’ Day at his school.

In a post on the parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) began by noting that her 4-year-old son doesn’t have a “close relationship” with her husband’s parents, adding that “he cries and gets so worked up if we tell him he’s going over there or they might come over to watch him.” OP said that her husband’s parents live closer to them than her parents, who she says have a”super super close” relationship with her son.

“They live 20 minutes from us,” she wrote. “We’ve lived here 2 years, and I can count how many times they’ve asked to see him basically.”

She added, “My parents live over an hour away. He is super super close with my parents.”

OP went on to say that she’s conflicted about whether she should tell her in-laws about Grandparents’ Day at her son’s school. While she noted her parents “would do everything they could to come,” there is a possibility that they may not be able to make the hour-long event.

“I don’t even want to mention it to my in laws because I don’t want them there,” she wrote. “But, I know if I only tell my parents my son would obviously say something and then hell would break loose. I also never would put my kid in a position where I would tell him not to say anything.”

“Do I just leave it and not say a thing to either side?” she asked, before sharing that her “only downfall is if everyone else has grandparents come I don’t want my son to feel sad.”

Many people in the comments advised the mom to tell both grandparents about the event at her son’s school.

“I’d mention it to both sets of grandparents,” one commenter wrote. “Remove your feelings from it and just see it as opportunity for your son to be loved by more people.”

“I wouldn’t mention to him who you tell, so he also doesn’t feel disappointed by who doesn’t show,” the user continued. “If you’re upset they don’t take opportunities to see him but don’t share with them when there’s opportunities your son is the only one who loses.”

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Another commenter echoed their sentiments, encouraging OP to “let your son have his own experience.

“Invite both sets,” the user wrote. “The more the merrier. Try to take your own feelings out of it and let your son have his own experience.”

Another user suggested OP let her 4-year-old son decide who he wanted to invite to Grandparents’ Day, adding that he’s “old enough to decide.”

“A 4yo is old enough to decide who to invite. I would simply ask your child– Who do you want to invite for grandparents day? Then dial the number and hand him the phone. That way you’re not asking him to hide anything.”