Husband Confused Why Wife on Maternity Leave Is Mad About His Social Life

A dad who wanted to play football with friends after work canceled the hangout after his wife got upset at him for not asking her for permission.

The father of two, whose wife is on maternity leave taking care of their two young kids while he’s at work, explained on the community forum Mumsnet that he’s confused why she got mad. He also asked, “Isn’t her day less stressful than mine?”

“My wife and I have been married for over six years and have two young children — our son is 3, and our daughter is 6 months and currently breastfed,” the husband, who is a software developer, wrote.

“A friend invited me to play football after work,“ he added. “It’s been a while since I’ve done any sport or had time for myself, so I accepted. Around midday, I let my wife know I’d be playing for 90 minutes.”

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“She was upset that I hadn’t ‘asked’ her if it was okay for her to look after the kids during that time. I ended up canceling the game,” he said. “Later, my wife was emotional and said she feels like she spends the whole day without seeing me, and was hoping we’d go for a family walk after work.”

The wife also reminded him “that maternity leave isn’t a holiday.” Confirming that he understood that, he then laid out their responsibilities.

“She spends her time breastfeeding while watching TV, napping and bonding with the children. We’re currently staying with her parents, so she doesn’t have to cook or manage household chores,” he explained. 

“Meanwhile, I’m working full-time, attending meetings, and mentally drained by the end of the day,” he continued. “After work, I still help with cooking, cleaning, bedtime routines, bathing, reading stories, calming our daughter when she’s unsettled, changing nappies, playing with the kids, handling paperwork, mowing the lawn and washing the car.“

“The only things I don’t do are laundry and lunch prep,” he added.

The husband also said that he “doesn’t mind taking care of the kids” whenever his wife wants to meet up with her friends or have some alone time.

“I’m struggling to understand why I need explicit permission to do something for myself, especially when I gave her notice well in advance,” he said of his midday notice to play football that same evening. 

In a poll under his post, 65% of the more than 1,500 voters selected the “you are being unreasonable” voting option.

One reader replied, “Have you got any experience of spending a day looking after the kids on your own? If the answer is no, I think you’re probably not in a position to decide whose day is more stressful.”

Another person agreed with that sentiment, responding, “How many of your children have you grown, given birth to, sustained with your own body and looked after all day every day? Zero? What a surprise.”

A third Mumsnet user had a different opinion, commenting, “There’s something fundamentally wrong when either parent can’t have 90 minutes downtime to enjoy a hobby out of the entire week.”

“When making plans, it’s always sensible to make your partner aware in case there‘s a clash. But hell would freeze over before I’d be seeking permission like I’d have had to ask my mum as a child,” they concluded.