Mother Says It’s ‘Unreasonable’ for Adult Son to Let Himself into Her Home

A mother is on the verge of changing the locks on her home due to her son’s intrusive behavior.

On Sunday, Aug. 31, the mom penned a post on the UK-based forum Mumsnet to find out if other people let their adult children show up at their home unannounced. She explained that her son lives in the same town as her and never lets her know in advance that he’s coming over.

“He popped in tonight and just used his key to let himself in and I was sitting in my nighty, slightly uncomfortable,” the mom wrote.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

“I love to see him, but is it unreasonable to ask him to let me know he’s coming, or do families just expect to walk in and find you as you are?” she asked.

Many responses to the post shared similar relationships with their adult children, but advised the woman to speak to her son if she wants to change the arrangement.

“My adult DC /SDC [dear children/ step dear children] and their partners often just pop in (usually around dinner time 😀), our front door is generally unlocked if we are home, so they just let themselves in. I love it,” one person wrote.

“YANBU [you are not being unreasonable], but it’s probably habitual — it’s hard when your patients have always been ‘just mom and dad’ to realize they are adults with a right to privacy and you may just need to lay it out,” another commented. “You’re happy for him to come round (if you are!) but a quick text to check or phone call prior would be really appreciated!”

“I always check because I now live an hour away and it would be a wasted trip if she wasn’t home,” a third person said. “But when I lived down the road, I’d just pop by whenever. Moms always left a key in a pot outside for us kids.”

Other commenters, however, said they always text or call before showing up at their parents’ home because they wouldn’t want their mom and dad coming to their house unannounced.

“DH [dear husband] and I wouldn’t dream of doing that to our parents — we always ring before to check they’re around/ok with us popping in and we ring the doorbell even though we have keys,” one person wrote. “We’d expect the same back! Everyone is different, though, and if you aren’t comfortable, just ask for a heads up next time!”

“I would always expect someone to message before coming over, it’s just polite. I would never pop in anywhere either without asking beforehand,” someone else said. “I would also never leave my door unlocked.”