Nanny Feels Obligated to Cancel Plans to Watch Parents’ Son as They Vacation

A nanny is upset that the parents she works for have asked her to take care of their son for nearly two weeks while they go on vacation, despite her already having plans.

The woman detailed her situation on the U.K.-based community website Mumsnet in a post titled “Nanny Dilemma.” Explaining that she is currently an aide to a 12-year-old boy, whom she calls “the sweetest child you’d ever come across,” the woman said she has been working for his parents for six years.

And though she wrote that the mom and dad have always treated her “very well,” the woman said they recently asked her to take care of their son full-time for 12 days straight while they are away, and now she’s unsure whether she should cancel her pre-existing plans or set a boundary and say no. 

“I have never minded helping them out in the past [for] a few days here and there, [but] I don’t feel … they realize that I have a life of my own, and them dragging me away from it can be a huge inconvenience at times,” the woman said.

She added that she often gets the feeling that the boy’s parents aren’t interested in the full scope of their parenting responsibilities. 

“It seems like [his] mom and dad do not want him, or only want him with them when it’s convenient for them,” she wrote, even highlighting that she is the one who typically attends parent functions at the child’s school.

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“I feel as [though] they believe showering him with the most expensive gifts, ludicrous clothing brands and the latest gadgets makes up for the time unspent with him, and I just can’t understand why they don’t want to bring him along with them on their holiday,” the woman continued.

According to the Mumsnet user, she already has plans during the time the boy’s parents will be away, but now she feels as though her “only option” is “to cancel them.”

“If I say no, I am instantly going to feel guilty, and they will probably try and palm him off with someone else,” she said, adding that she doesn’t want the young child “to feel unwanted.”

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Asking on the website, “What would you do if you were in my situation?” — the woman was met with support from others, who think she should set a firm boundary with the boy’s parents.

“I would say no. You have other plans, and this is a massive ask of you. You are NOT the boy’s mother. They are putting you in the position of being so. Which is unfair on you but especially unfair on him,” one person said.

However, a number of other members said they would try to change their personal plans, if at all possible.

“It’s a bit heartbreaking,” one person said. “I think I’d be inclined to rearrange if you can — for his sake, but I would make it very clear to them you are having to do this, and ask for any financial loss to be covered.”

Another wrote, “I would look after the boy, but of course for a much higher amount of money than usual. Not out of sheer greed, but night nannying has to be paid too, as anything can happen during the night and then you’ll have to deal with the situation.”

“If you’re able to rearrange your plans, I would, but you shouldn’t really have to, so I can see why you wouldn’t want to do this,” added one more user.

“Perhaps you could share [his] care with whoever else they may have lined up for the 12 days,” they continued.