Woman Who Has Been Single for Years Struggling with Needs of New Partner

A woman says she is struggling with the realities and expectations of a new relationship after being single for years.

The woman detailed her story on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where women can seek input about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman said she is in her “late 20s” and recently became exclusive with a woman she met two and a half months ago after being single for “almost four years.”

“And at the time [becoming exclusive] felt right. Just felt like the natural progression and I wasn’t seeing anyone else anyway,” she explained.

However, the original poster (OP) went on to say that she didn’t expect the big “leap” that becoming official has since entailed. “People are now asking when they’re gonna meet her. Asking what our future plans are. Asking if she wants kids and if it’s gonna stop me going ahead with my travel abroad plans, etc.,” she said.

She added, “I also don’t like feeling like I have to tell someone when I’m not wanting to message much […], or feeling like I have to explain myself. Or meet their parents.”

She also said that her previous relationship entailed a lot of struggles with needs and communication, and she’s “tired of it.” As she noted, “I feel like I’m having to consider her before everything else… I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone anything.”

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“It’s stressing me out a lot,” she added.

Several commenters said that the OP should worry less about external pressures and focus on the relationship in front of her.

“Who cares what everyone else is saying?” one person asked, adding, “What are YOU thinking and feeling and planning, and are you both happy with where you’re at?”

Another person said that the OP just might not be ready to commit to a relationship right now — and that she should be up front with both herself and her partner if that’s the case.

“Part of being in a relationship has to be considering the other person’s needs and feelings and balancing them with your own. It’s a partnership. It sounds like you’re not ready for that, which is fine as it’s not for everyone. You have to be honest with yourself and her, though,” they said.

Someone else said, “If this is how you feel about her, she will probably realize that before long and solve the problem for you. It doesn’t sound like you want to be with her that much.”