Woman Refuses to Include Mom’s ‘Other Family’ on Birthday Vacation

A woman seeks advice from the Reddit community after finding herself torn over her 30th birthday trip. She says she wants the vacation to be just her, her partner, her siblings and her mom — but her mother keeps asking to bring along her boyfriend, Paul, and his teenage children.

“It will be my first time out of the country and I want it to just be me, my partner, my siblings, and my mom because… well that’s who I want to come,” she begins her post.

To help readers understand, she shares the backstory of her family. Her parents split when she was a teenager, and her mom has since been dating Paul, a man whose wife died years ago. “My mom has taken the role as these kids’ mom in many ways,” she explains.

She says her mom often invites Paul’s kids to family holidays, helps them financially, and treats them like her own. “It just makes everything awkward. It’s like she inserted this other family into our life,” the woman writes.

While she admits she feels bad for the kids, she also worries about the strain it puts on her mother. “Paul once said she ‘saved them’ and she told me she felt a lot of pressure from that,” she shares. At the same time, she acknowledges, “Ultimately, I am an adult and live alone, so she is free to do what she wants with her money and life.”

Still, when her mom asks if Paul and his kids can come on the birthday trip, the woman feels uneasy. “The kids are in their teens and it would be a graduation gift since they haven’t been on any trips, other than maybe once to the beach,” she writes.

She admits she and her siblings have been lucky, having taken many trips as kids and later funding vacations on their own. But she points out that this overseas trip is different — “this would be a huge trip and our first time out of the country. And it is for my birthday, so I feel I have a right to invite who I want.”

Her mom insists the teenagers “would love it,” but the woman fears their presence would make her uncomfortable. “I am introverted and shy and just am not comfortable around them,” she confesses. “I told her I want it to be just us, and while she was understanding, I know she was disappointed.”

Despite her answer, her mom brings it up again, offering what the woman describes as “the pity story about all of the things that have happened to them and how much they would love it.”

“I really wanted this trip to be me and close family, and I feel I have the right to invite who I want,” she writes. “But now I feel like an AH and selfish since these people have had a hard life and really would be thrilled at such a vacation because frankly — I plan awesome vacations.”

The woman adds context in an edit, explaining that her mom’s reasoning partly comes down to logistics. “My mom only has so much vacation time so that is the reason for wanting to invite them and us all going together instead of them going on a separate trip,” she clarifies.

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But the financial angle troubles her further. “I guess it is important to note that my mom is in debt and would be paying for them, going further into debt,” she explains in another edit. “She has been giving them money she doesn’t have for a while, which bothers me, but IMO that is her choice.”

Her mom earns a good salary, but the woman says her financial struggles are due to “not so smart choices.” That makes her feel even more conflicted about the idea of her footing the bill for Paul’s children to travel overseas.

Now, with her 30th birthday approaching, she admits she feels caught between wanting a special trip of her own and worrying about the hardships of her mom’s “other family.”