Woman Upset After Mom Throws Brother-in-Law Party on Same Day as Her 40th

A woman seeks advice from the Reddit community after her mother scheduled a birthday party for her brother-in-law on the same day as her milestone 40th birthday.

“I (39F) turn 40 on Friday 9/19 and had established I am having a party for my 40th on the 9/20,” she writes in her post. She explains that September is a busy month for their family, as her brother-in-law turned 37 at the beginning of the month and her husband turned 43 less than a week later. So, she chose a date and made plans for her own celebration.

However, her mother asked if the family could have a joint celebration for everyone on the day she was planning the party. “I reminded her I was making my own plans for the 20th,” the woman shares, adding that her sister, who is married to her brother-in-law, knew about her birthday plans.

At the time, nothing more came from that suggestion. The woman says she believed her boundaries were respected and moved forward with preparing her 40th birthday party.

But just a few days before her big day, she reached out to her parents to see if they could watch her son for the night so she and her friends could continue celebrating. “I am told by my mother that she won’t be available [because] she has BIL’s birthday party,” she explains, noting this is the first time she learns her mom is throwing the event.

Her sister then revealed that she had been involved in organizing the other party as well. “So mom (& sister) who knew about my birthday party and sister who was invited and never said she wouldn’t be there, is now throwing her 37 yo SIL a birthday party instead of attending her own daughter’s 40th birthday party,” she writes.

Feeling blindsided, she confronted her mother about the hurt she felt from being dismissed on such an important milestone. Her mother’s response, however, only deepened the wound.

“When confronted about the fact that it was hurtful that she chose to throw someone else a birthday party on the day of my party, she tells me that I should put someone else ahead of myself for once,” the woman recalls. She says that it stung especially hard, given her role in the family as the eldest daughter and a so-called “glass child.”

“A glass child is the sibling of a child that has special needs, so is therefore overlooked, and often left to be responsible for themselves,” she explains in her post. “Parentification is very common, too, throw in the expectations put on the eldest daughter, and it makes for a lot of neglect.”

She says this lifelong pattern of putting others first only makes her mother’s comment more painful. “Mind you I am an eldest daughter, as well as a glass child, so I have spent 39 years putting others first,” she writes.

In her Reddit post, she questions whether her anger at her mother’s decision is justified. “AITAH for being pissed off about my mom’s actions, and my sister’s complacency?” she asks the community, who largely took her side.

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As the situation unfolded, she updated readers on her next step. She decided to make it clear to her family that she will not tolerate being treated as an afterthought on her own milestone birthday.

“I sent a text to my family text that whoever was just going to stop by before going to BIL’s party can save their time and skip mine all together,” she shares.