Man Wants to Have Kids Before Marriage, but His Girlfriend Says No

At 30 years old, one Reddit user found herself questioning her relationship with her 31-year-old boyfriend after recent conversations left her feeling more like a “placeholder” than a true partner. 

Though he says he loves her, his growing obsession with parenthood – and his comparisons to other women in his life – led her to question whether he genuinely values her or simply sees her as a convenient option.

“Recently he complained that all his female friends are having babies with their partners even if their partners are not financially stable and they’re not in ‘perfect places,’” she explains in the post. 

An example she highlights is her boyfriend’s repeated mention of “one female friend from grad school” who had a baby with her husband while he was deployed. Not only does the pal take care of the little one since her husband is gone, but she is also the “breadwinner,” the Redditor’s boyfriend emphasizes.

But instead of simply admiring this friend’s resilience, he used her as an example to pressure his girlfriend into starting a family of their own.

“He said to me…I should be open to having a baby with him because I have a house, I have flexibility at my job for pregnancy right now, and he finally has a full time job,” she recalls, noting that he does “make more” than her.

She was stunned. His logic seemed cold and calculated. These other women were married, she pointed out, so why should she consider motherhood without the commitment of marriage? 

“I do not want to just have a baby out of wedlock,” she explains. “When I pushed back he said my standards are too high because I want an engagement ring, a real wedding, and a honeymoon.”

Her boyfriend blamed his expensive rent, his student loan debt and being in an early stage of his career for why he wasn’t ready for a formal commitment.

“I cannot shake the feeling that he just wants to settle with whoever is convenient,” she writes, noting that the realization hit hard.

His attitude toward building a family felt transactional, almost strategic as she believes he seems more focused on timing and logistics than love, connection or shared values. 

For her, choosing to have a child isn’t something to take lightly — it is a life-altering decision that deserves respect, mutual commitment and deep emotional security.

“Am I overreacting for thinking about never talking to him again because the audacity alone makes me think he’s a BAD PERSON?” she ends.

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Reddit users immediately ran to the comments to try to warn the original poster of what she might be getting herself into if she chooses to stay in the relationship.

“He may not be a bad person, but he sounds like a bad boyfriend,” one wrote.

Another said, “If he can’t commit to a marriage, which can be ended, how in the heck does he think that he can commit to having a child?? That’s a lifelong commitment, even if you were to break up.”