Woman Threatens to Break Up With Boyfriend Because He’s Bad at Washing Dishes

A 34-year-old woman is on the verge of calling it quits with her boyfriend after just two months of dating due to his lack of cleanliness.

In a post on Reddit’s AITAH forum, the woman explained that she and her boyfriend, 32, take turns visiting each other’s houses. She said that when he last came to her home, she had to rewash the dishes because he did it so poorly.

Having raised the issue with her boyfriend, he told her that he doesn’t usually wash items by hand at home because he has a dishwasher. The woman said the issue escalated into an argument when he failed to properly wash a pot during another visit to her house, despite being shown how to correctly wash up.

“I was flabbergasted! There was no way anyone wouldn’t notice that the pot was not clean,” the woman said, before revealing her boyfriend tried to defend himself by saying that he “thought that’s how the pot is supposed to look.”

The woman said she was unable to keep herself from snapping at her boyfriend.

“I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not, but I won’t tolerate any weaponized incompetence. I prefer breaking up before any guy starts doing that s— to me!” she said. “He froze, went back to the living room, and stayed there staring into the void.”

The woman said that when she broke the silence after finishing the dishes, her boyfriend described her threat to end their relationship as “narcissistic.”

The couple then continued to debate back and forth about how the pots at his house aren’t clean because he relies on the dishwasher. The woman said she eventually apologized for her tone of voice, but refused to take back her exact words.

“I told him that I shared my feelings coz I cared, I wanted things to work between us, so I was trying to establish a boundary with a consequence (huge one but real and needed),” she said. “I explained that if a man started throwing weaponized incompetence (voluntary or not), I’d prefer leaving the relationship, coz that’s unhealthy.”

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Having accused her boyfriend of not paying attention or putting “any effort” into cleaning, the woman asked members of the forum for their opinions on the situation.

“AITAH [am I the a—–]  for establishing such a boundary early on on a matter he considers as trivial?” she asked. 

Responses to the post warned the woman that she would end up doing all of the chores if she decided to stay in the relationship.

“NTAH [not the a—–] … but you wasted a lot of time and emotional energy trying to talk with this dude. He is not the guy for you,” one person wrote. “You would absolutely end up doing ALL the housework, including cooking and grocery shopping. Get out now. He will not change and is clearly far too dense to even grasp the problem. RUN!!”

“NTA It’s not like he can’t see with his own eyes that the pots and pans are still dirty … And he’s fine without at his house?” another said. “I hope he never offers to bring anything to the potluck because that’s disgusting.”

A third person agreed with the other commenters but argued that the woman needs to improve how she communicates going forward.

“Wow. You really think this is going to be a great relationship going forward with this as an early sign? Maybe NAH maybe ESH but this is more about how terribly you communicate,” they wrote.