Boyfriend Frustrated Girlfriend Won’t Move Abroad With Him

A man seeks support from the Reddit community after sharing his struggles about wanting his longtime girlfriend to step outside of her comfort zone. The 28-year-old poster explains that he and his girlfriend, also 28, have been together for seven years and come from very different backgrounds.

“For context, I came from a broken family, and growing up, we couldn’t even afford electricity,” he writes. He describes living in “a small wooden house at the top of the mountain” before managing to graduate from public school and eventually finding a job abroad.

His girlfriend, he explains, has lived a far more stable life. “She’s very comfortable, not rich but comfortable,” he says, noting that she graduated from a university where “her 1 semester of tuition is equivalent to 4 different bachelor courses, for 4 years in my school.” Even now, despite working, she is “being dropped off and picked up by her Father.”

The poster says they have discussed their future together, and both agree that leaving their home country would be best. “I know she is so underpaid,” he explains, adding that he encourages her to look for work abroad because her profession is highly in demand outside their country.

However, the subject often sparks conflict. “Every time this is open[ed] up, it leads to a fight,” he says, sharing that his girlfriend always comes up with reasons not to pursue the opportunity, such as being too scared to try or worried about failing.

He emphasizes that finances should not be a barrier, since he has offered to cover her expenses. Despite sending her job postings, he says, she still won’t apply.

Now, the poster is left questioning himself and whether his persistence makes him the bad guy. “Am I forcing her? Am I bad for wanting her to rise above with me?” he asks. He worries that perhaps his girlfriend “doesn’t have to go abroad because either way, she is comfortable.”

The frustration comes from his own painful history with poverty. “I’ve been very poor that I hate it so much and don’t want to experience it again,” he shares, explaining that his desire for progress is rooted in not wanting to relive those struggles.

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Still, he admits he cannot provide the same level of comfort she is used to at this point in their lives. “I’m just an average working guy,” he explains. “I’m doing my best but even then, I wouldn’t be able to give her the comfort she wants, for now at least.”

Readers in the Reddit thread respond with empathy, acknowledging the challenges that come with their very different upbringings. One commenter reassures him, “NTA but give her time!”

The same commenter continues, “Growing up like that can be traumatic and it’s difficult to adjust and it’s normal to have a fear of going back to such a position.” They encourage patience, adding, “Give her time and open up the idea slowly! Good luck.”