Toddler Didn’t Understand Dad’s Death While Trying on His First Suit (Exclusive)

Under the bright blue skies of Honolulu, Login Porter met Eric Rosa, a 20-year-old Army soldier stationed at Schofield Army Base. 

Rosa, a 91S Stryker systems maintainer, was navigating life in the military while Porter, just 17 at the time, was living in Hawaii with her family. 

The couple initially connected through a dating app called MeetMe, but their relationship faced early opposition from Porter’s parents, who were hesitant about her dating an older, enlisted soldier. 

“It was my spring break and my friends had mentioned that all the cute surfers from Australia used that app when they came to the island,” Porter tells PEOPLE exclusively. “I did not end up meeting any cute surfer boys, but I did connect with a gorgeous 6-foot-4 Guatemalan man, and we instantly hit it off.”

Despite her parents’ concerns, Porter and Rosa continued their communication as pen pals for several months, “talking every day about everything under the moon.”

When Porter’s parents went away for a long weekend, she decided to finally meet Rosa in person. That weekend marked a turning point in their relationship, as the two quickly became inseparable. 

“He was such a hilariously goofy and beautiful human,” Porter says. “He really had a way of drawing people to him.”

Over time, Porter’s parents came to appreciate Rosa’s character and supported their daughter’s choice to marry him in 2015. Rosa’s life, however, was shaped by a difficult upbringing. 

Born into a large family, the Nebraska native was one of seven children placed into the foster care system after their biological mother was unable to care for them, Porter claims.

Throughout his teenage years, Porter says Rosa was in and out of different foster homes, often struggling to fit in, but after high school, he joined the Army, seeking stability and camaraderie. 

“He was so proud to be in the service. I think he really loved that people looked up to him, that he had a ‘family’ amongst his soldiers and that his life had structure and routine,” Porter explains. “He was constantly applying for additional training and was always graduating at the top amongst his peers — he truly thought the Army would be his career.” 

In the military, Rosa found the sense of belonging he had been searching for, but underneath his disciplined exterior, he struggled with abandonment issues that eventually led to substance abuse. 

“Eric had endless nightmare stories that he would share, mostly while under the influence, and it truly haunted him,” Porter recalls.

After she and Rosa welcomed their first child, Ezra, in February 2016, a DUI conviction resulted in her husband’s discharge from the Army, a pivotal moment that would change the trajectory of their lives.

“I think that he truly had always suffered mentally, however, his time in the Army coming to an abrupt end really triggered him and his mental health began rapidly declining,” Porter shares.

“He was an amazing soldier and leader amongst his peers, so they made sure it was honorable and he could keep access to all of his benefits — but it didn’t matter to him, all that mattered was that he was losing his ‘family’ again.”

After losing one of the only things that gave him stability, Porter says that Rosa went through a major identity crisis and relied heavily on alcohol to cope with his feelings.

“He’d also started being treated by the VA (Veteran Affairs) after he was discharged, and they gave him all sorts of medications that he would use in conjunction with alcohol that just made him spiral even more,” Porter reveals. 

The situation put a great strain on their relationship. Porter quickly had to learn how to juggle caring for Rosa and raising a baby while managing her own college courses.

With so much on her plate, Rosa would often become angry and lash out at Porter – frustrated that she couldn’t focus all her attention on him.

“Whenever he would get mad at me, he would call me his biological mom’s name,” Porter recalls. “So I knew all of his childhood trauma was weighing extra heavy on his brain.”

Despite wanting to be a father so badly, Porter says she doesn’t think Rosa was emotionally ready to deal with the responsibility. 

“Ezra always loved him. Eric was loud and silly, and Ezra thought he was the funniest thing. Eric loved to dance … Ez does too.” Porter says. “But there was the flip side of that, too. When Eric was having an episode, he was loud, scary, unpredictable, and Ezra was definitely fearful.” 

Stepping into the role of “caregiver” weighed heavily on Porter. At the time, the mother of one was often “caught in the crossfire” of Eric’s violent outbursts.

“I had told him he needed to seek therapy or we’re done. Ezra was getting older and understanding Eric’s behaviors and it wasn’t safe or fair,” Porter shares. “Eric said he’d rather divorce than get help, and that was the final straw for me.”

In January 2019, after reaching her breaking point and fearing the situation was becoming dangerous for her and her baby, she packed up their belongings and drove an hour away to live with her parents in Mount Vernon, Wash.

“Immediately, Eric started reaching out and begging to have our family back, but I liked living in a stable environment without fear,” Porter admits. “I liked that Ezra was safe and getting to be a happy baby again.”

Porter urged her husband to focus on getting stronger mentally so that he could be the best father figure for Ezra, but she says that day never came. 

“He never did try to get help, and I’ll never fully understand why he was so afraid of receiving mental health support,” she says.

In February 2019, just days before their son’s 3rd birthday, Porter got a knock on her parents’ door, breaking the news that Rosa had died by suicide.

“When the officer got there, I begged him, ‘Tell me it was a car accident,’ because I truly wanted it to be anything other than suicide,” she says.

Within 48 hours of her husband’s death, Porter’s mother had booked her an appointment with a nearby therapist. “My first question was, ‘How do I navigate this for my son?’” she recalls.

One of the most poignant memories Porter holds from Rosa’s funeral was their innocent son’s excitement about putting on his first suit. Recently, Porter found the years-old video on her phone and shared the heartbreaking clip on TikTok, where the video went viral, amassing over 28 million views.

“We found some books and an age-appropriate way to explain Eric’s passing. He understood that daddy’s brain got really sick, and didn’t get the care it needed, so he passed away,” she explains. 

“Still, Ezra was so little he didn’t understand for quite some time. We’d be in the car driving, and he’d just say, ‘Why don’t we see daddy anymore again?’ It was a lot of repetition and explaining the permanency of death.” 

One thing Porter noticed was that, while adults tend to isolate and suffer in silence, children grieve more openly, and connecting with others during their grief seemed to bring them comfort and healing.

“It’s wild to say, but seeing my toddler navigate grief so openly truly helped me process and be open to sharing our story too,” she admits. “That little boy’s strength has always inspired me.” 

In the darkest days following Rosa’s death, Porter admits she struggled with her own mental health, but by pushing her son to the forefront of her mind and attending therapy groups, she was able to “pull it together,” she says.

Support groups and children’s art therapy were incredibly helpful for her and Ezra. As she began exercising daily and building physical strength, she noticed a significant improvement in her mental well-being as a result.

“I truly believe that mental health support would’ve made a huge difference for Eric, but he was so adamant he didn’t need it,” Porter says. “At the end of the day, I’ve learned that the only person capable of saving Eric was Eric, and he wanted to be free more than he wanted to fight.”

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Ultimately, the experience of finding love again has been a powerful healing force for both Porter and her son.

In 2020, while still in the midst of navigating her grief, she crossed paths with Garrett Kellough, 34, who would eventually become her fiancé.

“Life just kept putting us in the same spaces until I was ready,” she reveals. “We hadn’t seen each other in a year when we were unexpectedly sat next to each other on a flight from Phoenix back to Seattle … Such an unreal experience, but I knew in my heart that he was hand-picked for us.”

The now-29-year-old feels deeply that Rosa had a hand in bringing Kellough into their lives. Not only does Kellough feel like a best friend to Porter, but she’s also incredibly thankful for the strong bond he has created with her now-9-year-old son.

“Life has been treating me better than I ever imagined it could. The last few years have been really wonderful,” she admits. 

The couple got engaged in Hawaii on May 31, 2025, and have since welcomed a second child into the family, Ezra’s little brother, Emry.

“Ezra is thriving as a big brother, and our family is so happy that some days it truly doesn’t even feel real,” Porter tells PEOPLE.

“If you’re someone that is still working their way through that thick cloud of grief, I urge you to keep fighting — what is waiting for you on the other side is so unimaginably beautiful.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, emotional distress, substance use problems, or just needs to talk, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org 24/7.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.