Dad Asks If He’s Wrong for Not Inviting Daughter’s Stepmom to College Move In

A dad is asking if he’s wrong for telling his wife — his daughter’s stepmom — that she couldn’t come help move his daughter into college for her freshman year.

The original poster (OP) shared his story in Reddit’s AITA and explained that he, 50, and his ex-wife, 51, were married for 18 years and had two kids together — their 18-year-old daughter and a 19-year-old son. However, his ex-wife decided the marriage wasn’t for her and they divorced amicably.

Six months later, OP met his current wife, 47, and they’ve now been married for eight years. He explained that his current wife had a very “tumultuous and abusive relationship” with her ex, which is still “volatile” and only deals with him when she needs to.

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However, OP and his ex-wife are still friends and have a great co-parenting relationship. OP noted that they only talk about kid-related things, and his current wife and ex-wife used to be “pleasant and professional.”

But a few years ago, OP was venting to his current wife about how his ex-wife travels a lot for work, which meant that OP had to pick up some of her slack. “Mind you, this was just venting, and I honestly love any extra time I get with the kids,” OP added.

OP’s current wife decided to text his ex-wife and call her out for being a “bad mom.” She told her that she needed to pick up the slack. Since then, the relationship between OP’s current and ex wives hasn’t been good, with OP noting that it’s “basically irreparable.”

“They’re professional, but my current wife hates my ex, with very little cause in my book,” said OP. “We had to sit separately for my son’s graduation two years ago, but sat together this year for my daughter’s graduation.”

When it came time to move OP’s daughter into college, OP said he didn’t want that tension to “ruin” his daughter’s bonding moment with her mom.

“College move-in day can be very emotional,” explained OP. “I asked my daughter about my wife coming to move in, and she said, ‘It might be too many people.’ Granted, I admit the way I asked the question was a little leading, but the tension between my ex and current wife is well-known in the family.”

OP said his current wife ultimately wasn’t invited to the move-in in and he went alone with his ex-wife. They took separate cars and only stayed for a few hours, which is the same routine they did last year when moving their son into college.

“My current wife was livid, and weeks later it’s still a sore spot and led to another blowup last night, somewhat related to this,” said OP, who said he later apologized to his wife and admitted it was a mistake. He went on to ask if he was wrong for not having his wife come along to the college move-in.

In his comments, many agreed that OP was not wrong since the day was about the kid, not the adult.

“For your kids centered events .. your kids’ views need to take priority… not your wife’s petty feelings… NTA for not inviting!” wrote one person.

Another said that OP should be sticking up for his daughter more rather than apologizing for something that he didn’t even do wrong.

“This is about your daughter, not your wife – if your daughter doesn’t want her there she needs to realize it’s due to her own actions causing tension at previous events that has placed her on the back bench,” they wrote.

“You did right by your daughter and can’t even see it because it is easier to capitulate to your wife because it sounds like she is used to always getting her own way,” they continued. “Best of luck, hope she doesn’t permanently ruin your relationship with your kids due to her demands.”

A third pointed out that it sounds like OP’s wife is carrying over some problems from her first relationship into his relationship with his ex-wife.

“Sounds like your current wife is carrying insecurities from her previous marriage that are now spilling over into your relationship. She loathes her ex, so it kinda makes sense she would loathe yours. If you hate once, it’s easy to hate again,” they wrote.

“Maybe she sees your healthy co-parenting as a threat since she doesn’t have that kind of situation with her ex. Maybe she really wants to play a mom role in your daughter’s life,” they continued. “But even if she had the best of intentions, your daughter’s mom is not your wife.”

“College move-in is emotional, as you say, and your daughter clearly only wanted her bio parents there. If it’s as tense as you say, that’s an easy choice for someone to make. Who wants to invite guaranteed negative energy into their new chapter, their new adventure? I wouldn’t. She doesn’t. You did the right thing.”