Wife Refuses to Attend Mother-in-Law’s Holiday Gatherings After Years of Insults

A woman turns to Reddit for advice following years of tension with her mother-in-law that have left her feeling disrespected, unsupported, and ready to draw a line. She shares that she has been with her husband for six years, and from the very beginning, his mother has created conflict.

“From the moment I’ve met his mother there’s been tension between her and everyone around her,” she writes, questioning her mother-in-law’s sexuality and claiming she has an alcohol problem.

The woman says she has come to understand that her mother-in-law’s harsh treatment of those around her likely stems from “her own lack of self worth and mental health issues.” Still, that hasn’t made it easier to endure.

“For all six years, I’ve let her disrespect me to my face in front of others, and no one takes up for me,” she explains. The lack of support has included her husband, which has caused conflict between them because she feels she should not have to be the one confronting his mother.

Her husband, she says, struggles to stand up to his mom because of his own trauma. “As I stated earlier, the mistreatment isn’t directed solely at me, but anyone so it isn’t personal necessarily, however I don’t feel I should have to tolerate someone mistreating me just because they do,” she writes.

At this point, the woman admits she is simply fed up. “I dread going to places she is, because she WILL insult or passive aggressively threaten me,” she says, adding that her mother-in-law has never once shown interest in her but instead makes cutting remarks.

She recalls how at her wedding, her mother-in-law “didn’t even know my sisters’ names.” Holding back for years, she avoided reacting in fear of “lashing out in front of the family and seeming like an a——.” She felt it was better to wait until she and her husband were married before setting boundaries.

But marriage didn’t change things. “We are currently married and after our wedding she continued to be disrespectful and rude,” she says.

Last October, she tried addressing the situation directly by sitting down with her mother-in-law. “I sat her down woman to woman and firmly but respectfully told her why I keep my distance and explained the many reasons why how she speaks to me and treats me is unacceptable,” she recalls.

Instead of listening, her mother-in-law dismissed every point and painted herself as a victim. “Basically, in one ear and out the other,” she explains, noting that it was her only attempt to communicate her boundaries clearly.

Since then, she says her mother-in-law has continued to insult her. “Because of that, I have gone no contact since March,” she shares, describing their last encounter when her mother-in-law saw her at her husband’s business and yelled, “Well there goes that DEVILISH heather!!!”

She explains that the insult was framed as a joke, but it was cutting all the same. With that, she chose to completely remove herself from the situation.

Her decision has become even more pressing after a recent personal hardship. “I recently found out my dad has cancer and I’m extra emotional about it,” she reveals.

She says she is usually able to control her reactions, but being in such a fragile place makes her worry she might not be able to stay calm if confronted again. “Besides being OVER IT I know if I’m in an emotional state I am less likely to control myself,” she admits.

That leads her to the central question she brings to Reddit. “So…… AITAH if I don’t want to go with my husband to his mothers side of Thanksgiving and Christmas?” she asks, explaining that she is simply trying to avoid being insulted or lashing out in front of others.

She says she fully expects her husband to go, but wants to set her own boundaries. “Part of me feels bad like I’m abandoning him, but I feel abandoned in the fact that he has never stood up to her when she is insulting me in front of our faces,” she shares.

She admits they have had “countless fights” about her wish for him to defend her, but he just won’t do it. That ongoing frustration has left her exhausted and ready to stay away from his mother completely.

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“She doesn’t benefit our life, she’s hateful to everyone and there’s no getting through to her because she’s never sober and clearly mentally ill with no desire to take accountability to try to change to improve,” the woman writes.

In response, one commenter reassured her that she is not in the wrong. “NTA – You’ve endured six years of insults, tried to set boundaries, and your husband won’t defend you, skipping toxic family events is self-preservation, not abandonment.”

For now, it appears the poster is ready to choose peace over continued pain.