How to Say ‘No’ When a Plane Passenger Asks to Switch Seats

Unsure how to navigate that awkward moment when a fellow airline passenger asks to swap seats?

Travel + Leisure recently spoke to conflict resolution expert Emily Skinner to discuss how to politely decline when someone asks if they can have the seat you technically paid for — as well as what to do should things escalate.

Skinner, who has a Ph.D. in conflict resolution and analysis, first said it is important to know your own personal conflict style — whether it be to clam up and freeze or to be assertive. 

“That type of awareness of what type of conflict style you have also kind of sets you up for success,” she explained. “You know what might trigger you or not, even before getting on a plane, or in any kind of conflict.”

Skinner went on to say that it’s key to have a game plan for how you will respond to an unwelcome seat-change request in a way that hopefully won’t create conflict.

“One way [to do this] would be to validate that you heard them and you understand, but you planned ahead for […] your seat, and you’d like to stay where you are,” she said.

If the other person hears this explanation and still becomes hostile, Skinner recommends removing yourself from the exchange altogether and seeking out a flight attendant.

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“Especially in such a small space like in an airplane, I think it’s important not to take it further than there,” she said. “If they continue to push you, that’s where I would call in a flight attendant. Because now they’re just trying to bully you.”

She added, “That’s not your responsibility to manage that [the seat swapper] is uncomfortable with your decision. Call in a third party, a flight attendant. That is part of their job, to manage customer expectations and needs.”

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And if someone begins filming you during the potential conflict? Skinner advises travelers to try their best to remain calm and engage with the person as little as possible.

“With filming, the only thing you have to be clear on is: ‘I’m not giving you permission to film me,’ and stating that. Less engagement with them is better, because they’re trying to push you. Their resistance to accepting your decision is more about them, and they’re trying to bully you into that,” she said.

If you do engage once a camera is out, she said to continue to keep your responses minimal, suggesting something like, “I understand that you’re not happy,” or “This may be difficult for you, but we can wait for a flight attendant.”

Skinner also stressed that it’s possible to maintain your boundaries without getting aggressive.

“You can be compassionate and acknowledge that it may be tough or difficult or uncomfortable, and that you plan on staying in your seat,” she told Travel + Leisure.