Charlie Sheen recalls addiction battle, party rules he enforced: ‘Heinous memories’

Charlie Sheen knows it’s a miracle he’s alive.

The “Two and a Half Men” actor, 59, opened up about overcoming his addiction battle that nearly killed him in People’s new cover story published Tuesday.

“You have to be willing,” he said, explaining that his four children — Sami, 21, Lola, 20, and twins Max and Bob, 16 — were the biggest factor in his choice to get sober in 2017.

“I keep a [mental list] of the worst, most shameful things I’ve done, and I can look at that in my head if I feel like having a drink,” Sheen added.

The “Spin City” alum, who overdosed once on cocaine in 1998 and went to rehab several times before he achieved sobriety, admitted that he still struggles to forgive himself for his actions.

“Forgiveness is still an evolving thing,” he shared. “I still get what I call the ‘shame shivers.’ These are the moments that hit me, of the heinous memories and choices and consequences. They’re getting farther in between, so I guess that’s progress.”

“What has been interesting about making amends is that most people have been like, ‘Hey yeah, we’re good man, but we hope you’ve also forgiven yourself,’” the actor added.

Sheen will open up more about his addiction in his debut memoir “The Book of Sheen,” out Sept. 9, and his two-part Netflix documentary “aka Charlie Sheen,” out Sept. 10.

“It’s not about me setting the record straight or righting all the wrongs of my past,” he told People about releasing both projects simultaneously.

“Most of my 50s were spent apologizing to the people I hurt,” Sheen recalled. “I also didn’t want to write from the place of being a victim. I wasn’t, and I own everything I did. It’s just me, finally telling the stories in the way they actually happened. The stories I can remember, anyway.” 

While reflecting on his partying days, Sheen admitted that he relied on drugs and alcohol out of fear he’d lose his fame and money.

“There was always that voice of doubt, that it was only a matter of time before it all went away, so to enjoy it as heartily as you can,” he said.

Sheen further recalled, “At my parties, I always said, ‘Park your judgement at the door. No pain in the bedroom. And no one can die. Those were good rules.”  

Now eight years sober, the Emmy nominee admitted he probably wouldn’t survive if he got back into drugs.

“Whether it’s true or not, I like to think the next hit would kill me,” he shared.

Furthermore, Sheen stated that he doesn’t consider his long-awaited return to the spotlight “a comeback.”

“I’m calling it a reset,” he explained. “I’m just living for the next moment, whatever that turns out to be.”