Plus Size Model Ashley Alexiss Opens Up About the Grief Behind Her 100-Lb. Weight Loss (Exclusive)

Ashley Alexiss is opening up about how her 100-pound weight loss has changed the way some people view her and why she’s determined to stay true to herself.

“I often get comments and stuff that I’m no longer a role model or I’m no longer someone that someone can look up to,” Alexiss tells PEOPLE exclusively. “And I think that that’s really sad because I went through a life-changing loss. I lost my dad, and my dad was my best friend.”

The former Sports Illustrated model, who spent 15 years building a career in plus-size fashion, says the transformation wasn’t intentional. “About two and a half years ago, I gave up drinking. I was kind of just tired of feeling like a–. Like, having a few hours of fun and then having to essentially pay for it for two days with a hangover. My body just didn’t metabolize alcohol well. And also in the midst of that, my dad was battling cancer and he actually passed away a year ago yesterday.”

Alexiss explains that grief had profound physical effects. “It changes your mind, it changes how you operate. And it had physical effects on me as well,” she says. “I think that a lot of people assumed that I wasn’t happy in my body or that I was ashamed of it, which is so far from the truth because I spent 15 years being a plus-size model, and my motto has always been, ‘Beauty is not a size.’ And I think that still rings true. Being 100 pounds lighter, it doesn’t change.”

But navigating a new body hasn’t been easy. “I will say that it has become more difficult to learn to really appreciate this body because I spent so long fighting for my plus-sized body to be accepted and to be noticed in a way that was respected based on societal standards. And it’s been a challenge,” she says.

“A lot of people think, ‘Well, now you’re skinny.’ And I’m like, ‘Mm, yeah. But I’m also getting the attention and respect that I should have gotten 100 pounds heavier.’ Like, that doesn’t change. A person is still a person whether they’re 215 or 115 [pounds].”

To help feel her best as she prepares for her upcoming wedding, Alexiss recently began doing CellSound treatments, a non-invasive body contouring technology that tightens skin. “The experience has been really wonderful. It’s probably one of the most relaxing treatments that I’ve had,” she says with a laugh. “I’m very pro, do what makes you feel best.”

“The fact that CellSound is not invasive and it’s honestly like a little massage and it feels great. I mean, what started me on it is I’m recently engaged and I’m prepping for our wedding. And doing all the things of being a bride while also grieving is a challenge, but I’m trying to do the things that make me feel the best version of me so I can be the best version for my fiancé, as well.”

Her fiancé has also been a source of constant support. “He is a fitness addict. Like, he’s in the gym every day, It’s nice because he doesn’t push that on me. He lets me still be me. And whatever that looks like, whether it’s being a couch potato or wanting to go run around Coachella, he supports that, and I think that’s really important.”

What the experts say

Dr. Nicholas Nikolov, a celebrity Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who works with CellSound, explains how the treatment works:

“It’s unfocused ultrasound, which means the sound waves don’t converge on a point, but they just go in parallel into the tissue. And usually when cells, when energy converts at a point, that will be something like Ulthera and it’s high energy ultrasound. And when it converges at a point, it causes tissue damage which is what kills the fat cells,” he says.

“Ours is the opposite. The waves don’t converge. They’re not high intensity. They don’t cause any tissue damage. They go at low intensity parallel to each other and stimulate the tissue.”

“Not only doesn’t it do damage, you can think of it as rejuvenating the tissue. And the way it does that is by improving the blood flow to the tissue. This started as a wound healing device. And by improving the amount of blood, reducing the congestion, not just in the skin, but deep, we are making everything much more youthful, vibrant. You are making more collagen.”

For Alexiss, that combination of science, self-care and self-love is what keeps her grounded. “I am me whether I am plus size or not,” she says. “Beauty is not a size.”