America’s nerves are twitching — so it’s time go abroad

America is antsy. Its nerves are twitching. Anger rising. Jobs changing. Lives aging, finances shrinking, homes switching, politics muddying. Its wardrobe’s diminishing. Prices rising. CBS failing. CNN who cares. Stores closing. It’s cranky.

Schools fighting. Religion disappearing. English disappearing. Other languages appearing. Crazies shooting. Students marching. Kids disobeying. Foreigners entrapping. Diners in bus lanes. Commies encroaching. Drugstores getting robbed. Rules muddying. Longtime ways crumbling.

And our lawmakers? Three little bears running for mayor.

It’s become Our country tis of what? Sneakers are dress shoes. T-shirts are black-tie. Guns today are part of wardrobe. Dessert’s a puff of pot. DAs let crazies go free. Roadways are for bicycles, motorcycles, deliveries, scaffolds, double parking. Movies are re-dos. Politicians are who?

Get to packing

Result? This summer our country’s moving. Traveling. Not to Arkansas or — oy — Tennessee. The USA’s schlepping abroad.

So, if still home scratching for day-old bagels or brownies, let Little Mother clue you about airlines today. They’re negotiating. Do not tell me you don’t know about it. They are newly doing as well as Biden. Hunter Biden.

One traveler I know well bought a low-class plane ticket. If he could buy cheapo passage stuffed inside a rubber tire, he’d take it. At check-in he’s told an extra charge could be tacked on if he wants to upgrade. So he pays the extra charge and his behind squats in first class across the ocean.

The country of Qatar bought London’s USA embassy which, for some reason, needed a more secure building. The new buyers are keeping our rooftop’s gilded eagle. Just telling you what I know. 

They’ve turned the building into the $2,000-a-night Grosvenor Square Chancery Rosewood Hotel. Originally designed by Eero Saarinen, who also did JFK’s TWA terminal, it’ll open to guests in a few weeks.

Paris is dressing up. $2,000 a night. Want a super room not overlooking your john it’s $4,000 a night. The Ritz’s prices now look like a Hamptons timeshare. Hotel rooms in Europe — $1,000 to $1,400 a night.

Three-day stay is norm but they throw in breakfast. Itchy for the Amalfi Coast? It’s $5,000 a night. Rome, heating up faster than Hell’s Kitchen, has hit 120 degrees. Perspired travelers are pushing north. Shoving now to Switzerland, Bavaria, cooler Scandinavia.

Also they’re discovering Japan. It’s cheaper. Safe. Clean. Efficient. Nice. But such a long schlep that visiting the moon is shorter. And pay attention — nobody, nobody — is lining up for China.

If Mao had great grandchildren even they wouldn’t buy a rice cake in downtown Shanghai. However, the once greatest shopping city on the planet — Hong Kong — is still a major destination.

They’re shipshape

The big transport? Ships.

Once, bus tours. Now cruises. Ships that squeeze in 6,000 passengers, 47 restaurants, bowling alleys, skating rinks, swimming pools, movies, lectures, shows, wall-climbing try to make you believe you’re on a private yacht. All great — until some steward loses your drawers in the laundry.

Listen, I wish you well. Have a nice time. Betty Grable, Hollywood’s famous long ago beauty queen, once told me: “All I want in life is to take a five-day ocean sail to England and have a different guy make love to me every night.”

OK by me. Definitely beats a Remsenburg time share.